Jump to Navigation

Critique Welcomed

 
Verde Sahadi's picture

A Brave New(er) World

Rating:

Note Log - > Access Data Entry

Waiting . . .

Username - > Charlotte Williams, CW-323.

Password - > *******

Evaluating . . .

Access Granted, Welcome Charlie.

[ENTRY ONE]

As instructed by my peers and elders and as well as a useful memory tool I am keeping track of my observations in the wasteland.

Lost Soul's picture

Gasoline, Gears and Gun Oil -12-

Rating:

((this entry has a bit more explicit and grusome violence than normal, so well you were warned))


After his talk with Death, Zane had desided that he wasn't going to stop.  He had to at least find the means to protect those around him, those clones closest to him. He would pursue the Lifenet information, find the codes and knowledge he needed, he'd started out about it the wrong way.  He couldn't fight them head on, but he could fight them at their game, he'd find a way.


But first he had other business....

Boyd's picture

Acendant - 6

Rating:
Keywords:

[ Note: The Explicit tag is used for a reason. If you have any problems with descriptive sex and/or violence this plot line is not for you. This space also provides that no such explicit scenes are seen on the front page. ]

 

Boyd's picture

Vices - 5

Rating:
Keywords:

[ Note: The Explicit tag is used for a reason. If you have any problems with descriptive sex and/or violence this plot line is not for you. This space also provides that no such explicit scenes are seen on the front page. ]

 

Miss Nibbles's picture

Saving Herself -3-

Rating:

Vorela's picture

Vorela's Ramblings - Oct 1

Rating:

Things have changed so much since I last wrote in here, and practically in the blink of an eye.  The sheriff whom I’d written about with disdain has ended up becoming a much bigger part of my life lately.  Much bigger.  He’d apologized for calling me a stripper and invited me to coffee with him.  Real coffee... I couldn’t believe it.  And I’d agreed only on the understanding that it was not a date and there were no expectations.  Of course, that coffee led to another actual date which led to more wonderful coffee and his asking me if I would be his.

Lost Soul's picture

Gasoline, Gears and Gun Oil -11-

Rating:

It had cost a few more chips that he’d have liked but, the information was worth it.  The informer who’d set him up with the White Crow was going to reap his reward for that betrayal.  The lock securing the door of the apartment in the old tenement building was not much of an obstacle, now Zane sat in the dark waiting for the little weasel to come home. With nothing better to do his thoughts began to wander as he screwed the silencer on to his P19.

Wildflower: Part 3 of 3

Wildflower pointed to the Lifenet collar that Mason was holding.  “See that?” she asked.  “I modified it.”

“Modified, how?” Mason asked curiously as he gazed at the collar.

Wildflower pulled out a small silvery metallic cube out of one of her many pockets.  “This little device has the capability of disrupting the transmittal signal of a collar,” she explained.  Pocketing the cube again, she continued, “There is a catch though.  A couple of things need to happen.”

Lost Soul's picture

Gasoline, Gears and Gun Oil -10-

Rating:

Wednesday 06:45hrs:   Motel Parking Lot Credit Bend



From the moment Zane had glided into town on his bike, they’d been watching him, if it could be sold, bought or traded for Travelers were aware of it, so there was a pretty good chance at least some of the top Family people knew what he’d been up to, question was where’d they stand.


Archer's picture

The Beginning of The End

Rating:

September 28th, 2156    4:32 pm

 

Roberto Torrente's picture

Robbie's Journal - Entry 6

Well, I still never asked what date it is. Guess it doesn't matter- it's early fall. Heh, guess fall has a whole new meaning now. Autumn. Best time of the year.
We all met up at Beauville's on the weekend, as usual, and it was pretty relaxing. Had a lot longer talk with Sarah than I'd ever had before. Interesting that she had me pegged as someone involved with the law in some fashion. She seemed amused with my idea that she'd make a good spy. I still think she might. Met a few new people during the course of things...and hopefully, I'll remember names. Alicia, Xoth, Zane...and there may have been a few more folks wander in and out that I didn't get names for. My social circle is growing ever more expansive. What a butterfly.

Jaqua's picture

Decanted

((

This is in a rough draft state. Will need to be polished up, maybe expanded on.

))

Lost Soul's picture

Gasoline, Gears and Gun Oil - 9-

Rating:

((ok so I make a few assumptions about the facilities at the Clubhouse, figure we have cars, the graphics are there, and the water towers, not much of a stretch to figure we have hot water :P, also yea anyone who stayed at the Clubhouse on the second floor feel free to send me a PM if you "saw" Zane get up in the middle of the night.))


Slowly Zane stirred, his back felt stiff, idly he wondered if this was what rigor mortis felt like, of course he wasn't dead.. but was beginning to wonder if that wouldn't be a vast improvement.  Rolling over into a position that wasn't too uncomfortable opened his eyes to look up at the spotted water stained ceiling in the clubhouse.  After talking with Soyala and Nat for a bit Zane had wandered inside and found a bed to crash in, but after having slept most of the day, he couldn't stay asleep now, even with all the alcohol and painkillers in his system.

Boyd's picture

Stood Up - 4

Rating:

[ Note: The Explicit tag is used for a reason. If you have any problems with descriptive sex and/or violence this plot line is not for you. This space also provides that no such explicit scenes are seen on the front page. ]

 

Gormisa's picture

Gamblings for Foo's?

Rating:

Slots rolling on end of a day, nights falling down on creditbend as three shady figures walk along the street towards a bunker bar, one female on middle, two higher rankin wanderers around her, giggling could be heard in the deep of night, absurd groping of the females dark, shapely forms, everywhere, stopping only for the moment for them to climb down to the bar.

Reaching the lighted room, the female giggled to herself from the obscene thoughts and conversations they had.

Lost Soul's picture

Gasoline, Gears and Gun Oil -8-

Rating:

Zane stands slowly after tucking the note into the saddlebags of Vorela's bike, taking a quick glance around.  No one noticed, good.  He walks back to his own cycle, and climbs on starting the engine he glances back up at the entrance to Beau's.


"Sometimes shit just ain't fair." he mumbles to himself and pulls away, accelerating the bike quickly to top speed as he heads for the west road out of New Flagstaff.


Wildflower: Part 2 of 3

“What’s your beef with Drakken?” Mason questioned curiously.

“I’d rather keep that to myself for now,” Wildflower replied frankly.  “We both want him dead, so why not work together?”

“What makes you think I want him dead?” Mason asked back.

JaegerGeist's picture

A star is (re)born? Born is the CHURCH of STEEL! List of gods 1

Rating:

((OOC)) Bellow is an entry by Hudson Saul, the reincarnate clone of Saul Hudson aka Slash the guitarist. Due to a slight issue with his last memory (as he signed up and his memories transferred on a drunken dare and his last payment cheque bounced and was thus left as his drunk), he was not brought back as a clone qutie right. Singer Hudson (as he prefers to be known) now hears in his heads the voices of the gods. Words rhymed and sang instead of spoken, accompanied by screaches and wailing of lyrical, unspoken prophecy, bathed in lights of all tounges and sensations, all clouded behind mists and fire and framed in gilded steel. He thus believes to be a prophet of the "Church of Steel" and currently its only member and preacher. As things come to him, he will write them down as sung and shouted by the gods and has recorded already a few of the gods whom have made a noteworthy appearance on the earthly stage of his mind.

Lost Soul's picture

Gasoline, Gears and Gun Oil - 7 -

Rating:

He can hear the man scrambling through the rubbish in the alley, stumbling, falling in the puddles that dot the pock marked concrete. A thud, a splash, the clunky rustling of garbage bags coming across over the rain. Flickers of light from the traffic in the street beyond, the human rat is almost to the end of the alley, but in the dark he can't see what The Man already knows, then the sound of the rattling chain links; the fence that blocks the end of the alley.  Twelve feet tall topped with razer wire and curved back toward the alley to prevent people from climbing over from this side.

Wildflower: Part 1 of 3

By Saturday early afternoon, Mason had arrived at North Burb.  He recalled the town fondly from his earlier travels.  Among the various outposts and small towns across the southern part of the Plateau, he believed North and South Burb had the best chance of survival.  Unlike most of the other communities that seemed to be focused on fighting and waging war, the Burbs attempted to foster growth and stability through community effort and farming.  It was just how Mason felt about the two towns.

Roberto Torrente's picture

Robbie's Journal - Entry 5

"Entry 5". That's what I get for never paying attention to the real date. Does anyone really know what it is? That's something to look into. I'll ask Dru when she wakes up, maybe.

Miss Nibbles's picture

Saving Herself -2-

 

Lost Soul's picture

Gasoline, Gears and Gun Oil -6-

Rating:

With the heavy blanket over the window, the only light in the room is cast from a dim sodium lamp hanging from a nail in the wall above the work desk.  Zane leans back in his chair, a haze of cigarette smoke hangs lazily in the room, as he lights another off the last one before dropping the remains in an empty bottle.

Snail Mail

Mason was out in the wilderness again, heading east towards North Burb.  He had stayed low in Embry keeping an eye out for Drakken and his men.  It was clear that Drakken would not strike him down in the open but even Embry had its dark corners and shadowy places.  Staying on alert all the time wore him down. 

High Noon: Part 3 of 3

Drakken smirked and said, “I had a bad feeling you wouldn’t accept that answer.  You never do.”

“Never do?” Mason thought.  There was no time to ponder upon that peculiar comment or its implications.  Mason’s body tensed for action.  He knew Drakken wouldn’t let him walk out of this warehouse free and clear. 

Muse's picture

The Little Saint - 1

Rating:

((Written to 'Speed of Sound' by Coldplay.))

Gormisa's picture

Who are you whacko?!

Rating:

In a secret meeting place somewhere in New Flagstaff.

"Now then, you were called Gormina.. ?"
Sitting down on a half-destroyed chair as she nods proudly. "Yes"

In front of her a small fancy dressed grew, the big shot himself, his somesort of cameraman and a bodyguard. Adjusting his glasses he sighs and asks.

"Yes, but dont you have a second name?"

Lost Soul's picture

Gasoline, Gears and Gun Oil -5-

Zane leans over the lathe, watching it spin down so he can examine the barrel for flaws, the light reflected off the smooth shiny surface reflects off his jet black eyes, he is so lost in thought he fails to notice Jared enter the workshop behind him.  The older thinner man approches slowly, having startled Zane before, he is leary of repeating the mistake. 


As the barrel stops spinning the distorted reflection of Jared catches Zane's attention, without turning around he says "Yes?"


Jared clears his throat,while he isn't afraid of Zane, like many of the normal people that survived, he is uncomfortable around a clone, more specifically someone who may be an alpha clone.

High Noon: Part 2 of 3

“You sent a trio of thugs to retrieve me,” Mason replied.  “I don’t see much friendship there.”

Drakken sighed and nodded, “That was a mistake, I admit it.  But I didn’t have any idea on your state of mind.  I suppose it was a bad idea but again maybe it was?  Who knows?  If I approached you personally, I could have been the one with a machete in my skull.”

“Why the worry?”

John Rose's picture

Who? What? Where? -1- The Phone


 (( This is a scrap of information about the backstory of my char, John Rose.  He has amnesia and is trying to find out who he is, you can get involved in the storyline.  I will be posting bits and pieces of information with a small puzzle or riddle or something like that at the end, be the first to figure it out and send me a PM... You have permission to be the person to have officially come across the info in the game.  If you decide to be the person to claim the right to be the one who finds out the information, please be involved in the story so it isnt wasted. Thanks for taking the time to read this ))


          Somewhere in the wasteland

Pages

Subscribe to RSS - Critique Welcomed


Main menu 2

by Dr. Radut