Jump to Navigation

Critique Welcomed

 
Joe Spivey's picture

Nine (part 14)

Normally, the caterers at such events got to take home anything left over. That wasn't going to happen today. It took the four orphans of the apocalypse, ably aided and abetted by a very eager four-year-old, less than twenty minutes to reduce the carefully crafted party food to crumbs and the caterers to tears.

Reavy's picture

Alone in the dark

Rating:

  

Reavy woke up in complete darkness. How long has she been here? Hours, days, weeks perhaps. Her whole body was sore and her mind was a misty haze. All she remembered were torn pieces of something

that felt like a dream. Unable to even remember who she was, she tried to move just to realize her hands are chained quite high to the wall. Hours passed as she sat there in darkness, her memories slowly

coming back in pieces. Soldiers, a weapon, familiar faces cropped up in her mind that gave her the feeling of belonging somewhere.

 

Petyr's picture

Old Memories

The cigarette tasted rough, as if it was cut with something other than tobacco. What a disappointment. He'd have to return to the vendor and persuade them to get a refund. The smoke trailed off the tip of it as he held it between gloved fingers, just kind of letting it linger and burn away naturally.

Joe Spivey's picture

Nine (part 13)

Joe’s face set into one of someone listening to their great aunt Betty telling him everything that has happened to her this week. Eventually there was a gap when Tuki paused for breath and Joe jumped into it.

JeassiahBlack's picture

Silk and Steel

Rating:

The evening finds Jeassiah alone in the garage. She'd sent Sam home early with firm word not to come back as she will be busy and needed time. Not that there was much work over the last couple of weeks since she finished building that monster of an Ambulance for Tuki. At least she was sure the beast will hold up to the abuse since she'd heard no word of complaints about it needing any work on it yet, and she'd be amazed if it did need any work this soon even.

Hyle Troy's picture

" I wake up in the basement... "

I wake up in the basement…..

.. I’m hungry, I’m dry.”

 

 

Joe Spivey's picture

Nine (part 12)

Everyone peered in as Finny’s fingers pulled off the wrapping paper to reveal a small, felt covered box. Inside was a mound of shiny white metal which uncurled into a long silver chain when Finny gently lifted it high so that all could see. At the end of the shiny chain was a silver ring.

Joe Spivey's picture

Nine (part 11)

When Finny crossed the threshold into Joe’s entrance hall she was not expecting the explosion of noise that greeted them and tried to hurriedly turn and flee. Along with the noise-makers, and party poppers exploding their coloured streams around her, shouts of; “Surprise!” And “Happy Birthday!” added to the confusion. Then Joe had his hands on her shoulders, turning her back around and preventing her ducking around him.

Joe Spivey's picture

Nine (part 10)

Joe, beer in hand, turned to look at Finny.

“What do you mean?”

Finny swivelled on the seat so that she was facing him.

Joe Spivey's picture

Nine (part 9)

The car carried on down Humphreys and turned right onto Coconino Avenue. Passing the building where the Ranyhyn Company had its offices, Joe swung right and they were back on the square. Joe drove slowly through the crowd and eventually pulled up outside the shaft down to Rowdy’s Bar.

Hyle Troy's picture

That'll do..

 

A kind and steady heart can make a grey sky blue,
And a task that seems impossible, is quite possible for you.
A kind and steady heart, is sure to see you through.
It may not seem like very much right now,
It'll do, it'll do.

nikki burngrave's picture

shutting down (pt2)

nikki entered the room abd looked at chain "its final i have made my mind up" he frowned at her but he knew better then to fight with her over it. standing ip he walked with her to his car and they head out, but he had to ask first "you sure you want to talk to her? not a gram or someone? i know you do not like her is all" nikki looked to him annoyed "yes i do i trust her" sighing one more time and heading off to sunshine. he found the home of marry, but was unhapply met by summer instead but let in the girl and her friend as long as they stayed proper house guest.

Joe Spivey's picture

Nine (part 8)

Where Joe was taking her next was Humphreys Street. The car pulled up outside Moise’s Pawn & Jewellery, and Finny followed Joe inside. Unlike Aunty Wainwright’s, the pawn shop was no larger on the inside than the outside suggested. Once inside, however, the space was made even smaller by the stout steel cages that prevented customers doing anything more than looking at the goods in the various display cases.

Joe Spivey's picture

Nine (part 7)

Aunty Wainwright’s was a junk shop. No, let’s get it right. Aunty Wainwright’s was a junk emporium. The premises was on Santa Fe and directly across the road from City Hall. To the casual observer in the street it looked just like any other small shop, but cross its threshold and you found yourself in a multi-storey maze of every conceivable item that had ever been scavenged, repaired, reused or built by hand with love but not much skill.

Joe Spivey's picture

Nine (part 6)

At noon the following day Joe stopped the four members of the reading group at the factory door.

“Finn, you’re with me today.”

Joe Spivey's picture

Nine (part 5)

“Stop eating it all!”

“I’m not! You stop eating it all!”

Joe Spivey's picture

Nine (part 4)

Freed from another hot afternoon in the factory, Casper Onetooth and Worms lost no time in putting distance between them and any chance of being called back.

Joe Spivey's picture

Nine (part 3)

The following day Joe sent Finny on an errand. When she had gone he waited for Casper, Onetooth and Worms to take their seats.

“Okay you three, listen up.”

Joe Spivey's picture

Nine (part 2)

Kirsten was nonplussed, at least for a moment.

“What?”

“A nine-year-old. What do you get one for its birthday?”

Joe Spivey's picture

Nine (part 1)

It was a week after The Secret Adventurers had been rescued from the Devil’s Own and the aftermath of Finny’s return had slowly faded into eight stripes of yellowish, blackish, still-sore-if-prodded bruises. ((See: http://fallenearth.rp-haven.com/blog-entry/secret-adventurers-club-second-adventure-part-1

Lance Striker's picture

This Woman's Work Part 3

Rating:

((This story contains allusions to the abuse of women, and as such, if you're affected by any related

issues, please proceed with caution))


Synn's picture

New Business in Town

Damion leaned on the door frame looking in at the building.  It was a small place with tables, and a small serving area to the right of the door.  He could picture after a little work it would be a nice little shop.

Cases of alcohol were on their way, now he would need to hire a couple workers to clean the place up and install shelves.

Turning he returned to his car parked just behind him, and opened the trunk.  Inside were three locked ammo boxes.  Damion took them inside and secured them behind the bar on a lower self.  

Silja Henningsdottir's picture

Gift Shopping

 

 

The girl unfolded the piece of paper and spread it out on the counter in front of the metalworker.

 

And what in all tarnation is that?” The metal worker’s eyes screwed up a little as he scanned the line of stick-like shapes on the paper.

 

Hellbilly's picture

Back to Business

Rating:

The rumble of the armored car echoed down the street as the car turned the corner and pulled up inform of the Jail.  The twin mounted guns lowered as the car powered down and Bubba got out.  He stepped up and stopped at the cooler on the porch.

Pulling the cigar from his mouth he shouted “Frosty!!  Why is all the fucking food on the front step, and why does it smell like roadkill around here?”

Reavy's picture

Let the hammer fall

 Continuation of: http://fallenearth.rp-haven.com/blog-entry/traders-flat-rumble

Outsider HQ, Trader's Flat:

Specialist Johnson knocked on the door and entered the room, where specialists Hopper and Davenport discussed various issues over a glass of whiskey. Hopper looked at his colleague curiously: "Any news?". Johnson raised small dossier: "Report on the incicdent from our investigator just came through. There was a fire set by the garage as a diversion. Whoever did it was smart enough to throw box of ammo in the fire to make it sound like an attack. Furthermore the fire was set by the timed incendiary explosive... that ruled out most of the usual suspects. We also sent whatever remained of the attacker to the lab for tests to see if it sheds any light on the nature of the assailant and i think we hit a Jackpot". 

Davenport joined in rather sceptically: "Since when do we care about wastlander conflicts?" but Hopper quickly cut him off: "Five of our men were wounded in the explosion. Not only does it directy affect our assets but it also harms our reputation. If we don't do anything, soon we will have wastelanders having gunfights in front of our HQ, our field teams attacked by scavengers, et cetera... Please continue Johnson".

The young Specialist cleared her throat "Few years back Director Simmons ordered DNA samples be taken from all mercenaries contracted on Outsider business. One of those was woman called "Reavy". Ran a small high-profile mercenary outfit out of sector two, called Wolfpack. When we compared the DNA with the Lifenet database and GlobalTech records, we got a heavily encrypted file designated CX-36951-A from the Globaltech weapons research database. At that point i was transferred from the lab to the field teams so i don't know if we ever got anything out of it. But the nature of the research our department worked on was getting us information on need to know bassis, so i don't even know why were we running DNA samples through the database."

Hopper stared into his table for a moment before looking up at Johnson  "Contact the head of your old department and request the file on this woman"He then turned his attention to Davenport "Assemble a field team. I want her found and brought in, by any means necessary."


Hyle Troy's picture

Jacobs Ladder (pt 2)

 

 

Thankfully the last few hundred metres had been a lot less steep than those that preceded them. Hyle felt the relief in her legs although the constant thick mist had seeped into her clothes, combining with the sweat, making her feel uncomfortable throughout. How much further? She thought.

The lead man walked cautiously forward, peering once again into his screen. To one side than the next, aligning the two dots on the display.


Hyle Troy's picture

Jacobs Ladder (pt 1)

The clouds prepare for battle
In the dark and brooding silence
Bruised and sullen storm clouds
Have the light of day obscured
Looming low and ominous
In twilight premature
Thunder heads are rumbling
In a distant overture... “

 

Hyle Troy's picture

A chance to write at last.

 

 

Hyle opened her eyes again. The squeezed them shut, again.

 

Then opened.

 

Joe Spivey's picture

The Secret Adventurer's Club Second Adventure (part 17 End)

The previous evening, after Dr. Troy had turned up at the orphanage with the missing inmates, Maisie had put down in the log how Dr. Troy had taken the children for a picnic and simply forgotten the time. It was useful to have someone like Dr. Troy owing you a favour.

Joe Spivey's picture

The Secret Adventurer's Club Second Adventure (part 16)

It took an effort of will to climb the sandstone steps to the shiny black door. Tukiko hoped Silja would be there, it would be less awkward if Silja was there. Silja, it turned out, wasn’t there. The door opened to Tuki’s knock and revealed Kirsten with little Annie peeping out from behind her legs.

Pages

Subscribe to RSS - Critique Welcomed


Main menu 2

by Dr. Radut