Jump to Navigation

Critique Welcomed

 
Hyle Troy's picture

Busser.. [Busses]

 

 

" You see...  "

Hyle chops some lettuce, then lays it on a plate.

" Busses... "

She adds some finely chopped skalotteløg...  chalot. schalot.. nevermind..

"  Oh yes  busses..  the thing about busses is.."

She thinly slices tomato.. termater.. tomato     pfft, Americans.. 

"Is that..   you wait ages for one.. "

She adds a few slices of ham .. and for some reason Sharky comes into her mind... She adds the ham to her salad

".. Then,  three come at once.. ..  Typical !"

 

Veronica Volt's picture

Talents Uncovered

'Why does she decide to paint when it is so cold?' Sharky complained sitting in a room in the house of Hyle.

'Keep still!' Hyle called out with a paintbrush in her hand. 'Or you will be a blur in the painting.'

'Keep still when shivering?' Sharky grumbled. He moved his gaze to Veronica sitting beside him. 'Why are you not cold?'

'It is not so cold,' Veronica replied. 'Imagine being warm, sunshine, sauna, campfire, hot soup-'

'Okay, okay' Sharky said. He closed his eyes a moment before opening them again. 'No, still cold,' he said.

Joe Spivey's picture

The Locket (part ten FINALE)

Inside, Fear bigged it up. Stomping around, pointing out the obvious. Things like, ‘you’re bleeding… a lot!’ and ‘look how weak you are! You can’t even feel your toes!’ oh and the biggest of them all ‘YOU CAN’T SWIM!’ Anger, Resentment, Injustice and even the unnamed one said nothing, they had nothing to offer. This time Finny was alone with her fear.

Joe Spivey's picture

The Locket (part nine)

Finny sat cross-legged on the floor in front of the drawers that supported the left hand side of Joe’s desk. She unrolled the lock picks in front of her and picked up the size two single lever barrel blank. Drawer locks like these were easy, you could open them with a hairpin, except Finny had never owned a hairpin. It took her about thirty seconds before she was able to slide the drawer open.

Joe Spivey's picture

The Locket (part eight)

So then. Fast and hurty and over quick, or slow and hopefully not so hurty. Fast or slow, fast or slow. Finny decided on slow.

“Owowowowowowowow YEOWWW!”

Joe Spivey's picture

The Locket (part seven)

Soon enough tiredness gave way to cold and Finny’s teeth began to chatter. She got to her feet and made her way past the skylights to the front of the building. Looking over the parapet Finny saw she was directly above the concrete cowling of the right air vent. Below that the pavement glistened and for a moment she saw her own body broken and surrounded by a spreading pool of blood. She shook the image away. Oh no, not after climbing that drainpipe. This is the easy bit.

Silja Henningsdottir's picture

So Long Ago... So Clear

Silja closed the kitchen door and watched the scrawny kid for a few minutes. The kid hunkered down in the yard and finished off the humongous sandwich unaware that she was being watched. Finally, comestibles consumed, Finny unlatched the gate and disappeared from view. Silja closed the blind and turned away, glancing at the clock. Anneka’s bedtime.

 

Joe Spivey's picture

The Locket (part six)

As Finny ran the short distance down the street to the ammunition factory the first heavy drops of rain began to spatter against the cracked pavement. Soon she was standing, catching her breath, across the road from the familiar entrance. She had surreptitiously examined the big reinforced front door months before. There were three locks. Two of them were big, heavy multi-lever monsters requiring big, heavy multi-lever keys.

Joe Spivey's picture

The Locket (part five)

A couple of minutes later Finny was sitting at the kitchen table happily demolishing a sandwich containing more meat that she normally saw in a week and surrounded by bread that was white and soft instead of brown and gritty.

Hyle Troy's picture

Reavy's Day Off (continuation of 'Sunday Morning')

Rating:

“For Helvede!. I see you once in a lobster season, you just turn up. Then you want to disappear again!”

 

Hyle felt angry and the same time upset. She could not decide which emotion to show Reavy so she settled for a pout in the hope that would work.

 

Joe Spivey's picture

The Locket (part four)

The front door closed behind Finny and she was suddenly cocooned in nicer smells and more warmth than she was used to. Silja strode silently past her down the carpeted hallway.

Joe Spivey's picture

The Locket (part three)

Perched on her ledge Finny watched as late afternoon turned into early evening. Below her the population of the square was beginning to change. Store keepers and vendors were starting to pack away, while still keeping an eye out for late customers. The auctioneer was drumming his fingers on his podium, checking his watch and wondering what was for dinner tonight.

Joe Spivey's picture

The Locket (part two)

The rest of the afternoon wore on with an uncomfortable rising tension. When called on to read Finny did so resentfully. Her three companions around the little table slowly sank lower and lower in their seats. Finny’s growing sullen hostility to the lesson was acting like a lightning rod in the stormy sky of Joe’s impatience and they didn’t want to catch any stray bolts. When it was their turns to read, One Tooth, Casper and Worms would falter over their words, waiting for Joe’s patience to finally snap.

Hyle Troy's picture

Sunday Morning

Sunday mornings can be wonderful. Especially in Springtime. The bright sun rises into a crystal blue sky, birds sing, and there is a perfectly peaceful silence that exists before the bustle of the town ensues. In short, all the promise of a perfect day.

Hyle opened her eyes to her sun-filled bedroom. The fresh spring morning filled her senses...

For a few seconds…

“Ååååååhhh.... Nejjjj...”

Joe Spivey's picture

The Locket (part one)

Reading was boring. Writing was boring too, but at least you were doing something. Writing was like drawing, but in a secret code. Reading was just, well, dumb.

Finny was shocked out of her thoughts by a not too gentle smack on the back of the head. Then Joe’s hand appeared, his fingers snapping in front of her nose.

notheredave's picture

om

9D4405C775A39C31F5477801F261FD7249E66AC47AB4BECA8EBFE40E41CB4E95969CDBB63D67B232floW BACK 2 Sun rising over y our               One can trace the ancestry of RFID back to the beginning of time.

Hyle Troy's picture

doodling again

(( Little picture I made of Sharky and Hyle . Feel free to makea caption  ;)


Shark and Hyle


Later back is Hyles house, in the Sauna...

(( I did promise Sharky I'd make one there. Again, feel free to make a caption

Hanne Berg's picture

Rear Window [11]

Dwight Frye sat at his desk stirring sugar into the tea filled bone china cup on his desk. He liked to be at work early. Next to the cup sat a plate with several biscuits. He picked one and snapped it in half, pausing to brush a crumb from his neatly pressed grey waistcoat. He sipped the tea and surveyed his office. All was fine, everything was in order, not a file, folder or pile of documents out of place.

Hanne Berg's picture

Rear Window [10]

Rating:

After what seemed like an eternity, Hanne turned on her side in her bed to discover that the clock now read 03:39.. the last time she looked, ages ago, it had read 03:18. and the time before that, 03:03.

Hyle Troy's picture

ermm

Rating:

oops

Joe Spivey's picture

Trouble and Strife

Keywords:

Joe stood on the sunny pavement looking annoyed as he took a last long pull on his cigar. He flicked the remainder off into the gutter and reached for the big brass latch to the imposingly solid front door of his ammunition factory. Whichever eagle-eyed urchin was the first out of the factory at the end of the day would have themselves the unexpected reward of a full half of one of Joe's cigars.

Veronica Volt's picture

Suspicions from ages left

Brett felt very uncomfortable in the protective suit as he awkwardly walked to his friends, Das and Fenster, standing near the window.

'What?' Brett asked from under the protective mask as he noticed the smiles on their faces. 'What is so funny?'

'Nothing,' Das said. 'Yes nothing,' Fenster agreed still smiling. Both laughed. 'Sorry,' Fenster said,' but with the mask you sound like that Derek Vader, or that is what i was told he sound like.'

'Why me? Why does Bogenschütze not go?' Brett complained.

Aventae's picture

End of the Road (Pt 3)

Aventae_Desert.jpg

(Artist: ???) (Music: Easy)

 

 

 

 

 


Veronica Volt's picture

Prickly temper

 

Luka stepped out of the lab door and breathed deep the fresher air outside. The lab was not smelling so good. He was beginning to suspect the moisture making mud, perfect for shampoos, or so the Traveller guy had told to him, the mud which smelled of creeper dung, was creeper dung.

Hyle Troy's picture

The 'Great' Grandmother

Many many years from now....

A family walk, Hyle, Tuki and the many several grandchildren ambled down Hope Springs Main Street.

As they drew level with The Waffelhus the group paused. Hyle looked fondly at he old diner. It was of course long sold and Hyle was long retired. The conversation turned to stories of the old days. Of the customers. Of when Tuki worked there. Of Great Aunt Sorja. And of course of the parties, and dancing.

SH_Station's picture

A Lot of Hand Waving - Epilogue

Here is Susan Grindel at Spider Hill Radio and our Music show tonight is almost over until another day. We have time for one more song, however tonight we do something a little different. Our new friends have now left the town. All but one. The leader, tragically killed by a spider attack, remains. These people, so strange to us, we first misunderstood. Now we know they are Mime Artistes, who speaks not with words but actions and expressions. To them we play the last song by not playing the song, with give them silence and our wishes for safe journeys.

Petyr's picture

The Easy Life

Rating:

(( I'm out of town and bored so I wrote something. Sorry if my writing is shoddy, I haven't written anything in awhile.))


"I hate people." He said, wiping the blood from the claw blade. 

 

-Two Hours Earlier-

 

Veronica Volt's picture

A Lot of Hand Waving - Part 7

On the top of a small hill near the town of Spider Hill, but far away from the spider nests, a group of pale faced people stood in circle around a fresh grave. Light rain fell from the cloudy sky and from the pale faces, the eyes cried eyeliner. For some the hands were raised to brows, for others they waved in front of them and gripped air with grief. A few sobbed silently on anothers shoulders. All were brought together in silent sorrow, grief displayed with gesture and expression. Every movement clearly made with a wave of the hand, a turn of the arm, a lowering of the head.

Veronica Volt's picture

A Lot of Hand Waving - Part 6

Veronica open the door a little, looked out and then shut it again.

'There is one on the other side of the door,' she whispered to Susan who stood behind her with the others.

'What do they want?' Susan whispered back.

'I do not know,' Veronica whispered a reply.

'Why are you whispering?' Charlie asked loudly.

'Sssshhh!' Veronica and Susan both said.

Veronica opened the door. A woman with a very pale face stood outside. She was wearing a striped top and beret like the others. She raised a hand and waved.

Joe Spivey's picture

Halloween Fantasy (part 63)

Keywords:

Slowly, they completed the journey out of the stairwell and onto the concourse. The escalator slope that led up to the entrance excavation was about thirty metres away. They would need to get right up to the base of it to be able to lob their grenades up into the seething mass of adult ticks.

Pages

Subscribe to RSS - Critique Welcomed


Main menu 2

by Dr. Radut