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Reavy's Journal

 
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Third page of journal, after those years. 

 

Never been much into writing. Maybe because i only feel the need, when it's too much for me. Only place where i can afford to be weak, only place to leave my thoughts. To confide...

Kayleigh left the Wolfpack, plenty of reasons she never told me about, some of them i still don't understand. I accepted her as one of us, without her knowing what it means, without

her feeling as one of us maybe. It's like loosing a member of family, member that doesn't want to be part of it. Brings back feeling of loss. Loss caused by mistake, misunderstandings.

I hate misunderstandings.

For a moment i thought Wolfpack could work with new blood, was tired of fighting alone, soon probably won't be able to fight much, but now it feels like i should fire remaining initiates.

They won't get the idea anyways, they never do.

 

My life cycle is slowly coming to an end. After all, every weapon gets worn out eventually. Not different with combat clones. Nanites are slowly failing to regenerate, cloning brings more

complications. I'm tired so often. Estimated combat capability around three to six months, then...

Not sure if i'll get through it, not sure if i want to either. Everyone's life should end once, and i feel like i'm here overdue.

Don't want to leave Jess, but...   i won't be ever good partner in this relationship, spending so little time with her. Surprised she didn't left me like others did.

It will hurt her at first, but i believe she'll find someone worthy eventually. Should let her know about my situation, just don't know how

 

Makes me wish Iniya was here. Always could tell her what bothers me, without that feeling of being weak. And she always brought her optimistic, human insight.

Always gave me advice. Kept me from wrong decisions after breakup with Cyndy.

But she's gone, as many others. Those i wanted to protect in Hope, most of my friends. Real friends, not just people i don't shoot at. But people that would be 

there, when i had hard times with all these emotions. Was designed to handle bulletwounds, stabs, shrapnel...not feelings. 

Might reconsider personality wipe, return to original drone mindset. As Caine did. If i ever decide to keep myself alive, instead of fading. Or just stay strong,

get through it as always, for Jess and Ghost.

Damn i wish Iniya was here...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Comments

Engel's picture

( Write. More. Often. On FERP. Reavy. )


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Reavy's picture

 // i'd like to, takes alot of time to get myself writing...besides, Reavy writes in her journal only when depressed :D

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Joe Spivey's picture

((  O.O     Noooooo! Quick, someone get a doctor... no a psychiatrist... TWO psychiatrists!... STAT!


 

Stick with me kid and you'll be farting through silk.

Veronica Volt's picture

((Wow! Powerful words. I've never been able to see the true Reavy beyond that tough exterior but here I see a different Reavy and that enemy of all, doubt.))

feeblemind's picture

((Save your lifes /o\ if Reavy's gone, who can really survive all this? /o\



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