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Love's young dream

Joe Spivey's picture
Submission type:

Cupid had his work cut out with Joe Spivey esq. Those dainty arrows of cutesy love and butterfly feelings in the stomach had no chance against the deep passion Joe already had for chips, chips and more chips. Faced with such a challenge, Cupid flew back to the celestial arsenal and dusted off the bazooka of groin aching lust. Unaware of what was about to befall him, Joe was hard at work between the mailbox, his 'office' and Rodney the auctioneer. Cupid awaited his moment, then pulled the trigger on Joe Spivey.

Kirsten was peering at Joe's recently repainted car before finally looking around.

"Whose is this?"

Betty Hatlevik looked up at the question.

"Who is who?"

"This car."

"I don't know, some guy's I'm assuming."

Just then, Joe looked up from his ledgers.

 "Oi ! My car.. bugger off away from it!"

Betty shrugged.

"Apparanlty it's his." Problem resolved, she got back on with her own business.

Joe groaned as his precariously balanced books, receipts and bits of paper slid off his knee onto the well trampled ground. Now he was annoyed.

"I've just had that resprayed!"

Kirseten smiled saucily at him, coming towards him with her fingers entwined together behind her back.

"Oooh. So how much is one?"

Joe stood up slowly as the breasts got closer, ignoring the remained of his paperwork as it added to the pile at his feet.

"Whut? erm... well... expensive."

The girl was right up close now and Joe was mesmerised by just how much her skimpy top didn't hide the ample delights beneath.

"Oh?  How... expensive?" Kirsten sank slowly to squat at Joe's feet to tie an already tied shoelace.

"Erm... oh...err... ten red... ish" Joe said to the cleavage.

Behind the crouching Kirsten, Betty coughed into her hand.

"Gold digger."

It is doubtfull Joe heard her. Hell of course he never heard her, he was too bust making a high-pitched keening sound at the sight of the enormous... Ok ok, I'll get on with the story. It's no fun being a narrator you know. Ok, where were we? Oh yes. Kirsten tapped Joe's knee.

"You got a name, sugar?"

Meanwhile, Betty was shaking her head as she walked off. The tapping at his knee brough Joe back from fantasy land.

"Er yes. Joe Spivey." Like a conjurer, a business card appeared in his hand. "Spivey's Independent... T... Traders"

Kirsten took the card, making is dissappear into her cleavage.

"You can call me Kirsten... Kirsten Kjaer. I need a sweetheart. So, how much would you want?"

Joe's mouth opened and closed several times before words came out.

"Errr. For err... a sweetheart?"

Kirsten rose slowly to her feet and nodded at Joe, biting daintily at her bottom lip and pinning him with her big brown eyes.

Joe fingered his shirt collar nervously.

"That, erm. That's not something i actually sell.... unfortunately."

Kirsten looked at Joe with exaggerated dissapointment.

"Awwww. You cant act as... an... agent?"

Agent was a word Joe was familiar with. Agents made money. At least the clever ones did.

"Agent?" He thought quickly. "Well, yes. I can do that." A smile spread across his unshaven features. "Why don't we talk about this over a drink?" He shook his head  "I mean dinner?"

Kirsten leaned forward.

"I'd like that. How about right now?" She pouted. "I'm soooo hungry."

Joe swallowed and his voice was a squeak.


Again the look of dissapointment. Again the pout.

"Sure. You're not too.. busy... are you?"

Joe dragged his eyes away from the very short skirt.

"No! No not at all." He glanced away for just a second to make sure there wasn't a cluster of cars and bikes parked around the entrance to the bunker bar on the opposite side of the pond. When he looked back, Kirsten was adjusting her top. "How about we go to the bra? I mean bar!"

Kirsten smiled and held out her arm to Joe, who was busy kicking ledgers and pits of paper behind the crates. When he eventually noticed the girl's offered arm Joe looked at it for a moment before a distant memory stirred and he realised what she was doing. Thank god for saturday afternoon movies, he thought as he looped his arm through hers. Kirsten pulled him closer.


Joe looked up from boob heaven.

"You have no idea."

Arm in arm then, they walked to the bar. At the ladder, Joe was the perfect gentleman and let the lady go first, watching her descend until he was sure they were safely down. He followed quickly behind. They entered the bar and Joe automatically scanned the area for unwelcome guests... It wasn't too unusual for some of Joe's 'customers' to lay in wait for him. He was distracted by Kirsten's voice beside him.

"I think... pink maybe... nice colour for a lady huh?"

Joe finished his reconnoitre.

"Yeah sure, pink, nice." He made straight for the bar. "Erm... drink?"

"I'll eat anything."

"Oh right... food, sure." Joe tossed a chip at the barman before turning back to Kirsten. "What do you want to drink with it?"

Kirsten joined him at the bar. She Took Joe's cigar from between his lips and pecked him on the cheek.

"Whiskey would be nice."

Joe retrieved his cigar from her hand.

"Darren? Two double whiskey's mate... oh and some sort of food for the lady."

Kirsten graced him with a coy smile and went off to find a table. Joe waited for the drinks and trotted after her. He plonked a whisky down in front of her and slotted himself into the seat opposite.

"Food will be along."

Kirsten picked up her drink.

"Thank sugar. So..   you an independant trader hmm?"

Joe dragged an ashtray from the far end of the table.

"That's right... you need it, i can get it. Or I know a man who can." This made Kirsten smile. Joe coughed, stuck for what to say next. He sniffed noisily. "So erm... I haven't seen you around before."

The girl ignored the implied question.

"Thats good to hear.  I need a reliable man." She looked at Joe. "You are reliable hmm?"

Joe looked a little flustered. The question had connotations that he didn't really want to explore.

"Reliable? Erm, yeah, i guess you can say that."

Kirsten smiled again and sipped her drink, barely wetting her lips on the amber liquid. She looked at Joe carefully.

"Pink. Yes, pink. What would that.. umm  cost?"

Joe downed a good portion of his own whiskey. He grimaced. This was not the best whiskey the bar had to offer, he knew that for a fact. It was the same rotgut he had sold them last week. Darren, he decided, was a twat.

"What? Cost?" The question had him flumoxed for a moment. "Oh. A car? Oh well.... i reckon, you know, for the right sort of customer i could get one very cheap."

"Oh good. I just got into town you see, I'm a little short of chips, but... *she stopped and looked Joe square in the eyes. "I am sure we could make some arrangement." She put down her glass and stretched her arms out to her side, projecting her charms across the table towards Joe. Joe stared, not taking his eyes of her 'charms' as he replied.

"Well, for the right" He left just the required amount of inflection on the word 'right'. "Customer I should think I could magic one up for ohhhhh nothing at all."

Kirsten smiled at him.

"Oh well, how about I give you a little... deposit?"

Joe smiled back.

"Sounds like a deal to me Christine."



Kirsten got up and slid in next to Joe on the bench. She leaned against him, nibbling his ear.

"They gave me such long legs." She whispered. "Do you like them?"

Joe's mouth had gone dry.

"... oh yes."

"So soft." She took Joe's hand and placed it on her thigh. "Feel.

Darren appeared with a plate of food. He put it down silently and with proffesional blindness. Then calmly walked away... to alert the other staff.

Kirsten was still making busy with Joe's ear.

"Pink... you know... pink." Between the words she planted kisses all over Joe's face.

"..... Pink you s...said?" His hand slid up her skirt. "No problem."

After a minute of this, Kirsten pulled herself away from Joe. But she held onto his hand as she stood up.

"I need to powder my nose. Why, don't you come and help?"

Ten... No, let's be charitable... Twenty minutes later Kirsten and the happiest man in the world reappeared from the bathroom and sat down. Kirsten had taken the time to make herself look presentable and try to disguise what they had been doing. Joe, well, not so much. The big soppy grin on his face was a dead give-away anyway. Kirsten had developed an appetite from her endevours and set to work on the food Darren had delivered.

"Aww, the food is cold." Besides the fixed smirk on his face, Joe looked quite pale and out of breath. Kirsten looked at him and giggled. "You know,  you should do this more often. You look happier."

Joe turned to her.

"Yeah, sure. More often is good. Hell, every day, twice on Sundays." At the same time thinking, Just let me get in shape first. He licked his lips. "I need a drink... or two. Want more drinkies?"

"Mmm  sounds good.

Joe waved the barman over. "Two more whiskeys." Darren took the order and turned to go back to the bar. "And wipe that smirk off your face."

... to be continued.


Petyr's picture

Holy shit o_o Joe?! 


Silja Henningsdottir's picture

         ((  O.O  ))


(( Bahh , Joe has the new kissyface !!!.. Hahhh  Wait til I am teling Tuki....  *holds hand palm upward , space enough for at least 30 blue and looks all innocent *

Iss eggsackertly wot I said .....    Idd-eee- oot !

Subdane's picture


That was a fun read! :D


But Joe? 10 red to get laid?...Word of this gets out, you are going to be a broke man faster than you can say "Jeg er gået fallit" :P

((considering most of us don't have the lingual dexterity to attempt that language, that might be a while

I can scavenge trash... but this? This is rubbish! - Post Fall scavenger problems.

Subdane's picture

((Joe has Danish as his standard translation from English on Google translate, it takes him like ten seconds to translate that. But true if he had to say it in Danish, he would get to keep his chips for a while.
*Now wants to hear Joe's attempts to pronounce that sentence in Danish*

Joe Spivey's picture

(( Yi a goal fellit. :P

Stick with me kid and you'll be farting through silk.

Allriae's picture


Joe Spivey's picture

((LMAO, brilliant. :D

Stick with me kid and you'll be farting through silk.

Betty Hatlevik's picture

(( Ack! I made a cameo appearance! lol

In the land of Gods and Monsters I was an Angel, living in the Garden of Evil.

Veronica Volt's picture

((This Joe mo-Joe is so Joe. Wonderful!))

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