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Uwe's Stairway to Heaven

Silja Henningsdottir's picture
Submission type:



The musical, happy sound of girlish giggling drifted from the corner just down the street from Chez Spivey.


Silja was enjoying the new and improved Uwe. Not at all to say that she did not adore the previous version, but Uwe 2.0 was definitely a lot less shy and much much more exciting.


She gasped, smiling as she broke off the ardent kiss. She could feel his hand inside her jacket and it felt good.


Lets go to my room.” She whispered.


Why?” Uwe was smirking, he was asking the road he knew.


Silja’s reply was in her eyes, even though she placed a half scowl on her face. She pulled her jacket closed, linked her arm tightly within Uwe’s and they set off along the street.



Shite..” Silja hissed as they passed under the still lit window to Joe’s study. “He’s still up..”


Uwe looked crestfallen and almost said ‘Oh well’ but Silja tugged his arm. He has underestimated Icelandic determination. Silja had already inserted the key in the lock and slowly pushed the door open.


Just be very, very quiet.” Whispered Silja as she lead Uwe through the door. “You forget I am a Ninja Assasin.”


Uwe just contained the snort. Just. But his mouth had gone dry. He knew a little about Joe and it scared him. But he was only a few meters away, across the hall and up the stairs, from the wonderful delights of an excited, empassioned Silja. The prospect lended Uwe courage.


But there was a flaw in their plans. Ninja Assassins tend not to wear long heeled boots, and long heeled boots on stone floor tiles tend not to lend themselves to stealth. Silja grimaced with every step, all the way to a meter before the first of the stairs.


Silja ! Is that you?


Joe’s voice made our romantically inclined couple freeze in their stride.


Silja tried her best to keep the giggle out of her voice. “Err… Yes Joe.”


I need a little word in yer ‘shell-like’.” The voice came from the thankfully unopened door to Joe’s study.


Ummm… OK!” Silja pushed Uwe into the space under the stair putting a vertical finger to her lips then used it to signify ‘stay there’. Uwe watched as his favourite way of filling a pair of tight jeans made their way into Joe’s study and the door clunked shut behind her. Uwe half-sighed and pressed himself back into the recess.


It didn’t take long. The muffled sounds of an energetic discussion emitted from the dark mahogany doors and filled the otherwise peaceful night time ambience of Chez Spivey. Uwe found himself smiling at Silja’s ‘energetic discussion’ voice which he knew so well from other aminated conversations he had shared with her alongside Meike and Monika. As he listened his eyes wandered over the understated opulence of hallway. Silja’s bosses, the Kjaer-Spiveys were well known. Not only for Joe’s dubious scheme’s but also for his dynamically opposing ‘other-half. Joe, most often dressed like a scruff, while Mrs. Kjaer-Spivey always went about in the very best attire. Clearly Mrs. Kjear-Spivey’s hand had been at work as regards the décor that Uwe was taking in, so much so he wandered in open mouthed appreciation from his cubby-hole..


It was the gentle cough from the kitchen door that brought Uwe crashing out of his appreciative daydreaming. His sphincter clenched as he spun around towards the source of the cough. The dark almond eyes looked back at him from under a curtain of jet black hair. And the silencing finger at her lips. Kirsten glided towards him.


Uwe, right?..” She spoke, her voice quiet and welcoming.


Uwe nodded vigorously as his mouth opened and closed like a fish. “Err.. yeah.. Umm.. I was…. Just waiting..” He pointed at the closed study door from where the animated discussion still sounded.


Kirsten nodded “Nice to meet you at last.” She said gracefully but her voice was barely still above a whisper. She glanced also at the study door, then back to Uwe’s partly terrified eyes. Then she put her hand on his shoulder.


Up the stairs, turn left, second door right….” Her smile was cool but infectious. “You can tell me a bit more about yourself at breakfast. Hmm?


Clearly relieved, Uwe nodded and scampered away as per Kirsten’s instructions.



It was probably five minutes later when the door to Joe’s study opened and was closed rather firmly. Silja crossed to hall quickly to the alcove and stood before it, in a kind of disappointed horror at it’s recently vacated emptiness.


It was when she stepped back thatshe saw the smirking Kirsten at the top of the stairs. Kirsten’s head tilted in the general direction of Silja’s room. Kirsten smiled down at a bemused Silja for a moment before she wafted out of sight.


Silja chuckled to herself a moment before taking the stairs two at a time.













Joe Spivey's picture

((Ahhh, loves young dream... Just muffle the bed springs, ok. I can't think of anything worse to dampen a young man's ardour than Joe in his boxers bursting in waving a sawn off shotgun around.

Stick with me kid and you'll be farting through silk.

Abyss's picture

(( *Shudders*  Joe is his boxers was enough.  

Joe Spivey's picture

Joe shuffled into the kitchen in his slippers and dressing gown, a pint mug of tea in one hand and today’s paper in the other. He glanced up to acknowledge Silja with a good morning grunt, and that was when he noticed Uwe sitting very next to her and the arithmetic in his head came back with a big, glaring, red, underlined and in bold ‘4’. He stopped short.

Uwe held his breath while Silja was lining up her arguments.

A range of emotions dropped like tetris bricks into Joe’s consciousness. Although most of the bricks fit perfectly in the ‘… with extreme prejudice’ column that passed for Joe’s paternal instincts, they were easily overridden by past discussions with Kirsten on the subject of Uwe being with Silja. And, to be honest, Joe’s version of a discreet investigation into the young man had revealed that, on the whole he was fairly likeable… if a bit wishy-washy for his tastes.

Consequently, Uwe’s respiration and whatever was brewing inside Silja were eased and disarmed by Joe’s simple reaction of a hearty sniff and a borderline polite ‘Mornin’. Joe then put his paper and tea down on the table and shuffled off towards the smell of recently made toast.

Uwe and Silja exchanged hopeful looks and Silja gave Uwe what was supposed to be an encouraging shrug. They were both distracted by Joe opening and closing cupboards and muttering to himself about ‘never being able to find bleedin’ anything in this house’. Silja knew that at this time of the morning, before the soothing effects of Joe’s tar-like tea had taken effect, it didn’t take much to rile her employer.

“What are you looking for Joe?”

The cupboard doors continued to suffer.

“Bleedin’ marmalade.”

Silja rolled her eyes and stood up.

“Let me do it for you. Here, you come and sit and chat with Uwe while I make you some fresh toast.” The looks on both their faces was exactly what Silja was going for. Hiding the mischievous smirk behind her hand she took over the toast making task while Joe had no choice but to shuffle slowly back to the chair and sit down opposite a speechless and possibly terrified Uwe.

Uwe swallowed. Desperate to escape the bloodshot early morning gaze of one of the very men his parents had warned him to stay well away from, Uwe racked his brains for something, anything, to say. The fact that, behind Joe, Silja’s shoulders were shaking with suppressed mirth wasn’t helping.

Joe, however, was used to this kind of reaction from some people. He accepted it, that’s just how it was, sometimes it was even useful. Not this morning though. This morning he just wanted to enjoy his tea and toast with the morning paper like every other morning. From the furtive glances over his head by the teenager, Joe figured out what was happening. Silja had set them up and Joe actually felt a little sorry for the pasty-faced chump across the table.

“Just finish yer breakfast son. You’re safe. I don’t do conversation in the mornings.”

With that he opened his newspaper and disappeared behind the events of yesterday. Shortly after, a plate of toast and marmalade was plonked down beside Joe and his hand appeared from around the side of the paper and took a piece.

Still grinning, Silja plonked herself back down next to her boyfriend and a silent conversation of mouthed words and pointing fingers ensued. This was interrupted by Joe’s voice from behind the newsprint wall.

"So where’s Kirsten and Annie? They gone out?”

Silja ended the mime act with Uwe.

"No. Actually she took Annie into the lounge so Uwe and I could have a bit of privacy.”

Joe turned a page.

“Did she now? Well that was nice of her.”

“Yes, it was. Very nice of her.”

There was a pause while Joe’s crunching on toast filled the silence. It stopped with a swallow.

“Well, I suppose you’d like me to bugger off to so you two can…”

“That would be very nice of you Joe. Thank you.

Joe’s hand appeared holding forth an empty mug.

“Make us a brew pet an’ I’ll see what I can do.”

Stick with me kid and you'll be farting through silk.

Hyle Troy's picture

(( Gratz, you can write Silja almost as well as I do :)  

I would rather die peacefully in my sleep, like Grandad, than screaming, like his passengers

Hyle Troy's picture

Uwe sat right on the edge of the blue and gold sofa. Kirsten relaxed in the matched armchair opposite. Joe stood warming his backside by fire. At his feet, Anneka sat in the hearthrug watching Uwe closely. As did Joe.


The clock ticked rhythmically on the mantle by Joe’s now empty tea mug. It was the only sound.


She must be making a special effort for you.” Kirsten interjected into the ominous silence.


Silja had gone to get changed, only fifteen minutes ago, but to Uwe it seemed like she had been gone for a lot lot longer.


Yes.” was the only word Uwe could find in his discomfort. The clock ticked some more.


So. ‘Ave a job d’you?”


Joe’s question sounded more than interrogative, even stern, which took Uwe by surprise. He licked his dry lips and looked up at Joe. Where was Silja.


Umm Yes! I work in the family store…. Errr with my father…. I … Umm.”


Just then the lounge door clicked open and Silja stepped through it. Salvation had arrived in the nick of time.


Joe turned his head and his eyes bulged at the acres of flesh exposed by the scant clothing Silja wore. He drew breath to speak…


Oh what a wonderful outfit Silja!” Kirsten stole the conversation clean out of Joe’s mouth which remained open. “It is so you!”


Þakka þér fyrir! Oh, I’ll be back for Anni’s bathtime. Don’t worry.”


Silja breezed over to Uwe and held out her hand for his. Uwe took it thankfully as he allowed Silja to whisk him out of the room.


As the door closed behind the teenagers, Joe was still by the mantle, pointing at the door but looking at Kirsten, his mouth carp-like.


What?” Kirsten raised one eyebrow sternly. That was enough.



Outside, a happy teenage couple walked hand in hand along the street toward the plaza and a rendezvous with Mon and Meik. Both grinning like, well... teenagers?


Man ! Joe is soo damned scary, Sil.” Uwe voice was thick with relief and the laughter that came with it was pure nervous energy. “How do you work in there?”


Ohh babes.. You just got ta know how to be working him, y’know? There’s a good time to talk with him and there’s other when you jus’ keepings outta his ways.”


Uuh huh, and If I did not know you better I’d say you let me hang up drying there a few times, hmm?”


Silja turned in front of Uwe, making him pause as she reached up and hung herself around his shoulders. She kissed him.


You know me well enough, elskhugi. Anyway, it was worth it, hmm?” Silja grinned and kissed him again just as a tasty reminder of the night before.


Uwe looked down into those glacial eyes. So full of vitality and excitement. His heart melted as the memory of looking down at her in the dim bedroom light, her looking up came back to him.


Uwe smiled.




They resumed their walk.


Presently Uwe spoke.




Uh huh?”


How on earth did Joe end up with someone like Kirsten…?”

Trendy Couple



I would rather die peacefully in my sleep, like Grandad, than screaming, like his passengers

Joe Spivey's picture

((LMAO. I've just come in cold and wet through and laden with shopping... That cheered me up no end.

Stick with me kid and you'll be farting through silk.

Hyle Troy's picture

(( Just another picture on same theme


Trendy Couple 2


I would rather die peacefully in my sleep, like Grandad, than screaming, like his passengers

Joe Spivey's picture

((I can just imagine Joe in the distance, hands on hips, shouting... "OI! Hand!"

Stick with me kid and you'll be farting through silk.

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