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Rear Window [4]

Hanne Berg's picture
Submission type:

"You see, 'like' isn't a word I would use to describe Mr. Spivey..." Fat Eric mopped his sweaty brow with the white linen serviette.

They had chatted over dinner for more than two hours. Dwight was feeling stuffed. Fat Eric had put away enough food to keep The New Flagstaff Orphanage going for a week. Dwight Frye considered his host as they ate. The dining room was as ornate as the study. The beefcake servants had kept them, well more so Fat Eric, supplied with food while the poncing military fairy of a butler fussed over their wine and latterly the coffee

Fat Eric went on.

"What I mean is, Joe is an odious little man so it is difficult to 'like' him, per se. But I do find him very useful. He can procure pretty much anything I ask him for. Always quickly. And, so long as one keeps an eye on the invoicing... " Fat Eric made a sniggering deep laugh around the last morsel that he had stuffed into his mouth. He leaned to one side and farted.

Dwight nodded an agreeing nod over the rim of the coffee cup, keeping his personal feelings to himself.

" ... And he is so.. dodgey." Fat Eric went on. " But, dodgey in a nice 'old school' way. You know, honour among thieves, that sort of thing, I respect that."

Dwight struggled to keep a semblance of polite attention to his host's almost constant verbalising. His face showed interest but deep inside he had long ago tired of the camp tenor issuing from an often half full mouth. The serviette tucked into Fat Eric's shirt was slowly accumilating overspill. Dwight had twice seen Jeeves try to pluck the soiled linen from Erics neck and replace it with a fresh clean one, only to be wafted away by Fat Eric gesticulating arms.

And Fat Eric went on

"Which is why I would hate for any bad luck to befall Mr Spivey and/or his family. And I include that sweet little teenage tearaway Silja Wotsits-Dottir...."


"Yes, her. I liked her spirit. So entertaining when she used to visit us, doing errands for 'SpiveyJoe' As she would call him." Fat Eric made another gravy'ed giggle.

"Joe has surprised many in Flagstaff by producing a family." Dwight made one of his rare interjections into the otherwise one way conversation. Just to try and convey a spark of interest.

"Quite. Which is one of the reasons why I asked Miss Berg to send you here. I actually have use for your, umm... talents. Downstairs we have a young chap. One of these shell-suited rear facing baseball cap types, you know them. Certainly not 'old school'. I find them particularly obnoxious. He is being remarkably stubborn.  All we can get him to say is 'No comment'  and 'freats' about what his 'Bro's' will do. "  Fat Eric guffawed. " No respect for tradition. None whatsoever."

Dwight perked and sat up..

" It has come to my attention that some are plotting to whisk away Mr. Spiveys child, and I believe our young guest might know more than he is prepared to tell me. So, I wonder if you would be so kind as to have a little 'chat' with our errant youth?"

Dwight Frye smiled. The evening had just become a lot more interesting.

Fat Eric clapped his hands twice and Jeeves minced into the room almost instantly "I assume you have your box of toys in your car, Mr Frye. I will have Jeeves fetch them while we repair to the.. umm.. 'Hospitality suite?'"


Joe Spivey's picture

((I would really hate to be in that young man's flashy trainers just now. Love the observational details, really painst an unforgetable picture of Fat Eric.

Stick with me kid and you'll be farting through silk.

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