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Rear Window [15]

Hanne Berg's picture
Submission type:


 “That will have to do.”

Spudface looked into the mirror at his third attempt at clown make-up, the least scary. He glanced at his watch. There was no time left anyway. Anson and Bartram would be making their way to a street next to the orphanage in the van by now. Spud grabbed the keys to Hobo McBobo’s car.


Several blocks away. Dwight Frye leaned back into the doorway he had been occupying for the last four hours.


No expense spared’ was a phrase that did not exist in Joe Spivey’s lexicon. The assembled recently scrubbed and therefore relatively shiny faced mass of salivating faces in the orphanage dining hall were pleased that ‘Mr’s Joe’ had organised the catering.

A saucer eyed Anneka clutched her mothers hand tightly in excited expectation when the whoops of joy from the orphanage kids filled the room. Joe shuddered. He also made meaningful eye contact with several of the kids. His eyes clearly saying ‘Don’t you dare’ at key individuals.


The street was clear. Spudface closed the door of the small bright yellowcar. He realised his hands were shaking from the adrenaline. He muttered to himself ‘Right!, here we go’ The job was on. He turned the key and the engine coughed into life. That was the point where things started to go wrong.

Spudface coaxed the little car into the road. He pushed the indicator to make a left turn. At least he thought it was the indicator. There was a loud bang and Spud became enveloped in a huge cloud of red smoke. He screamed in fright and leaped out of the car as fast as the big red shoes would allow.

When the smoke cleared he gasped. The doors and all four wheels had fallen off the car. A large fake sunflower had extended on a stalk and was sprinkling water onto the ‘fire’. Spud, hands on hips, stood speechless. On the corner a group of kids were literally rolling on the floor, clutching their sides with laughter.

Shite !” Spud realised he would have to walk from there. He turned and flip-flopped his big red shoes in the direction of the orphanage.


Anson looked both ways up and down the street then nodded back at Bartram. Anson jumped into the driver seat pushing the keys into the ignition. Bartram slid onto the passenger seat and slammed the door behind him. The van’s side door opened and closed.

Bartram and Anson exchanged a puzzled glance.

Anson became aware of an electric blue flash then heard a muffled scream from Batram, who’s body stiffened for a second then went limp. Anson’s vodka dulled senses realised something was going wrong but could not compute until he found himself staring down the business end of a heavy calibre pistol.

Dwight’s face, all dark eyes and menace came into focus. Anson automatically went for his gun but Dwight interrupted.

Ah ah ! ,” Dwight’s grin was dangerous “This is a .45 Pacifier. The most powerful handgun in the province. It can blow your head clean off. Just ask yourself. Do you feel lucky?”

Anson sweated, gulped.

Well do ya, punk!” Dwight waited for the answer, really wanting Anson to go for his gun.

Anson just shook his head. He felt warm wetness filling the seat under his backside. He realised he just pissed himself.

Drive. South, and don’t take your hands off the wheel, not even to scratch your nose. Do I make myself clear?”


Back at the rear window, Hanne hoped Dwight had completed his part of the operation, but she still was uncertain of the clown element of the equation. She had ‘arranged’ for several of the Union guards to keep an eye on the orphanage and let her know immediately they saw anything remotely clownish. She was ready to leap into action at any time.

It was at that moment she saw him. Spud, loping in clown shoes across the plaza.

Thats it !”. Hanne snatched the long rifle from beside the window. She crouched down, steadying the heavy gun on the sill.

Spudface was hot, breathless and uncomfortable as he ran across the plaza. He was going to be late. “Stupid fucking idea” he gasped.

Union Guard Lisa Milton leaned on the rail of the plaza guard tower and yawned. Her shift had an hour to run. She watched the orange haired clown running past the pond, past the pagoda. She nudged her colleague.

You don’t see that every day, hmm?”

The two guards watched. They heard the sound of air closing behind a fast moving object. The heavily trotting clown was almost at the corner when his head exploded.

Definitely… “

Lisa turned and glanced at the office block on the opposite side of the Plaza in time to see a woman at one of the windows. Even at that distance she perceived the woman nod at her and the window closed.


Lisa turned to her colleague, “So, what are you going to do with your bonus, Bob?”


Joe Spivey's picture

((Absolutely Joe to perfection :) Of course, little Annie will be disapointed that the clown never showed up... well, right up until the moment she gets her first present anyway *Crosses finger to hope that Onetooth remembered the rule about dead things*. Great story hun, the Dirty Harry skit worked wonderfully.

Stick with me kid and you'll be farting through silk.

Hanne Berg's picture


The two guards watched. They heard the sound of air closing behind a fast moving object. The heavily trotting clown was almost at the corner when his head exploded.


"Duct Tape. turning "No ! No ! No !  into mmph mmph mmph since 1942"

Joe Spivey's picture

((If ya gonna have a gun, have a big 'un I say.

Stick with me kid and you'll be farting through silk.

notheredave's picture

ur such a prevert Piper is piping.

FBb9jL8m4DJnothereIS 43 atom moo 2

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