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The Death of Barry the Roofer with Vertigo (pt.3.. last)

Hyle Troy's picture
Submission type:

Hyle watched Barry go back to his van. Joe Spiveys grocery list was complete. She looked around, then decided she may as well bring The Waffelhus accounts up to date. There would be no sunbathing that day so it was better to clear some of the paperwork which had backed up.

Outside, Barry had half staggered his way to the blind side of his van. He leaned his back against the white paint and let his knees bend. He slid down the side and sat pondering what to do. 

' What you should do is get back in the van and go home Yaw reeely are  a bit seeck. ' He told himself. But then his work-pride voice kicked in and began the counter-argument.

' Yes but.. That lady in there is quite desperate to have her roof fixed. What if it rains? Shes relying on you to get her roof fixed, Barry.'

'She needs it done because she wants to do her sunbathing, Dun't she !.....  guhhhh.." Barry groaned again as  images of of a bikini-clad Hyle popped into his confused mind again.

He reasoned to himself again. 'Look, it's a flat roof, not like it was a Bungalow or summat. If y' keep yer 'ead down ... it'll be alright. If you do all the preparation down here and.. err.. well  pull it up on a rope..  yes?'. 

Barry agreed with himself and gave it another few minutes. He did feel a little better. He opened the doors of his van and started pulling out the materials. Nails, some lead, a few timbers, sealant. But he also needed to mix up a batch of cement

Cement..  needs water. Means he would have to ask the woman for some.. Barry panicked again. She would be wearing those clothes.  Uhhh.

Barry picked up his bucket and made his way to the side door of The Waffelhus. At arms length he placed the bucket in the doorway, pressed his back to the wall and called inside.

" Err.. Can I have sum water in me bucket please, Miss ? "  Barry called from out of sight, then scurried back to the van.

"Sure !" Hyle called and came to find the bucket, filled it, wondering where Barry was.

Barrry was peeping around the corner waiting the return of the filled bucket. When he saw it he scuttled back, grabbed the bucket and took it back the the van, where he mixed up the batch of cement. 

Minutes later Barry stood at the foot of his ladder looking up. He screwed his eyes and summoned all the will power he could find. He slowly climbed  his way up the ladder leading two lengths of rope behind him. Barry clambered over the parapet and crouched down.

Hyle came to a pause in her workings and looked up from the books for a moment. Out af the window she saw a puzzling sight. First she saw  a bucket rise up past the front window, followed a few moments later by a big box of timbers and stuff. Hyle shook her head, thinking she was hallucinating, but then just laughed it off. The Roofer guy did seem a ilttle eccentric.

Barry crouched behind the parapet hauling up the cement  and timbers on the ropes. 

Next, on all fours. Barry pushed the bucket and box accross the roof to the site of the repair, keeping his head below the level of the parapet and thus keeping the vertigo at bay.

Barry worked for the next hour repairing the hole. To be honest, once he actually got working he became much happier. He loved roofing work. As he worked, the feelings of nausea faded away. Barry felt much better. Barry even started humming to himself as he finished off the repair.How he loved that moment of 'Job Done' A good builder always has pride in the finished job.

Barry smiled to himself, clapped his hands together to remove the dust, and stood up. He stood up WAYY too fast.

Below, Hyle by now had finished the books and was cooking up a batch of rugbrød. Then she heared a strange groaning...


Back on the roof, Barry was watching Hope Springs rotating violently counter-clockwise.


Hyle was about to investigate but it was at that same moment that the oven timer pinged.

Barry, amid a nightmare of spinning and gyrating roof and scenery,  desperately reached out for something with which to steady himself. He was going to fall over if he.... And he did ! The parapet fouled his footing and Barry pitched into free fall over the side, landing like a sack of potatoes into the skip out back of The Waffelhus. 

By the time Hyle had got the rugbrød out of the oven, all had gone quiet. 'He must have trapped his thumb'  She surmised. 

Hyle never heared a thing, the sound of Barry's demise was covered by the fan of the oven, that clanging of pans and all the other cacophonies of rugbrød production.

Worse than that, it was Thursday. About ten minutes after Barry's deathly descent, the recycling people came in thier big wagon and exchanged  the full skip for an empty skip. 

At the Recycling Depot, the skip was emptied into the Galopetter-Galopetter machine. The Galopetter machine was a machine which mashed and chewed and minced all the waste ready for reprocessing. Poor Barry.


About an hour later, Hyle clambered onto The Waffelhus Roof. She wandered over to the repair. And saw it was well done. Barry had done a really good job. Even if he did look a bit pastey. He must have gone home and forgot to say 'Bye !' 

"He must have left in a hurry too. He's left behind his tools, his ladders.. Even his van ! "


((  inspired by the song "The Death of Barry the Roofer with Vertgo" by The Toy Dolls . Go listen ))


Joe Spivey's picture

Awwwwwwwww. Poor Barry :( He got Galopettered... Ewwww.

Stick with me kid and you'll be farting through silk.

Sharkdog's picture

Hyle must have been listening to "One of These Days" by Pink Floyd when she got the idea for the ending.  I tried to convince her to make the death only metaphorical and have Barry overcome his health issues, then become Barry the Roofer with Altophilia, but she tossed the idea into the Galopetter-Galopetter machine. I tried to save Barry...I really did.  Cry

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