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The Death of Barry the Roofer with Vertigo (pt.1)

Hyle Troy's picture
Submission type:

"Perfect !"

Hyle smiled as she looked out of her window to see the sun beating down. She had cleared a space in her schedule and was now humming happily to herself as she packed her sunbathing kit into a bag.

"Towel... sun oil... " 

She picked up the bikini, looked at it and chuckled. Then put it back in her drawer.

" Nej, you are  not needed"

Dressing herself in loose clothing, she closed her house door and minutes later, Hyle's car was rumbling up Main Street, heading for The Waffelhus. 

Indeed, The Waffelhus roof was the perfect sunbathing spot. A real sun-trap. Private, discreet, safe. Hyle was determined to improve her tan today. her mayoral duties were increasing and her prided skin colour had lightened somewhat. 

'If my skin gets anymore light, Sharky WILL be able to call me yellow skin !' She thought to herself as she clambered to the roof, carrying the sun-bag behind.

Once on the roof, Hyle put the bag down, rolled out the towel and she was about to undress when she noticed it.

"Åh for helvede !" She groaned.

Hyle crouched down to inspect a raggy hole in the roof of The Waffelhus. She frowned as she saw her pleasant day of sunbathing blow away in the light Hope Springs breeze. Hands on hips she stood and looked down at the football sized hole in the roof. (Meaning a real football, round. Not silly egg shaped American thing : P )

"Hvordan i helvede..?" She shook her head, thinking how such a hole could have appeared. But more importantly. I needed to be repaired, soonest.

"Til Isenkramforretning !"

Moments later, Hyle was striding purposefully across Main Street towards the Hardware and Builder's Supplier. She didn't like dealing with Mr Face-Ache in there but,, it was an emergency. 

Mr. Face-Ache lo0ked up from his newspaper  and groaned. Mayor Troy marching across the road with that determined look on her face was not a good sight, it probably meant.. well.. it probably meant work! He folded his newspaper under the counter, stood up and straightened his long  brown hardwaremans coat, ready to accept the whirlwind.

"G'morgen...  " Hyle waited for the return of the pleasantry... for some seconds.

Mr Face-Ache's eyes were round and open. Fixated by Hyles body swaying slightly under the light loose clothing. He coughed. and came back to reality, moving his gaze up from her chest to her Ice-blue eyes

"Ah yes, G'morgen Miss Troy. How can I help you this fine morning?" The pleasantries were forced.

" Have you a contact number for a Roofer, perhaps.. ? The Waffelhus roof has a big hole and I need it repairing soonest. "

" Oh thats not good. A Roofer...right"  Mr. Face-Ache Took out a box of old calling cards from under the counter and flicked through for a few moments and Hyle waited, foot tapping.

 " Roofers... right! Heres one I can recommend.   Barry... the Roofer " Mr. Face-Ache handed the card to Hyle. Of course his reccomendation was purely linked to the fee he charged for tradesman to have thier calling cards put into his scruffy little box.

" Barry the Roofer.. Righto.. Tak farvel !" Hyle turned and  left as quickly as she had arrived, striding back to The Waffelhus

Mr. Face-Ache, now relieved sat down and resumed his newspaper. "What a pain in the arse she is... "  he muttered, " Nice arse though. "


In New Flagstaff. The general Hub-bub of the lunchtime session fillled the pub. Amid the chattering clamour of voices and clinking glasses. Barry the Roofer sat with his friends around a table in the corner, putting the world to right, as men do. The discussion was lively, Joe Spivey sat opposite, pulling smoke out of yet another huge cigar. Next to him sat Dennis, Neville , Wayne and Oz, and of course Barry. All were construction workers of some sort. Except Joe of course. Joe.. sold things. So this little drinking group was not only pleasant, but profitable.

Oz shouted up. " My round ! Who wants some?.. Neville, ya want a pint son ?"

Neville looked pained, no reason. Pained was his default mood "Ahhh no , Oz.. Ah've got to get back home. Brenda's waiting for me."

Oz rolled his eyes "Ahh Bollicks.. what aboot you Barry, Ye want another?"

Barry, a stocky man, shook his head. "No, but thanks, Oz. Me plan is to go home, have a curry, then soak up the suds in the tub." 

With that, Barry dryed his glass and stoood up. Then it happened. He fell, with a yell. As his freinds looked on with shock, Barry's dopey grin surfaced above the table "Its all roite. I'm feeling swell, don't worray."  The rest of the boys laughed in relief. Oz, a big man. helped Barry to his feet.

"Ya aalreet son?" Oz askedl

"Yis , yis.. oi'll be foin. See yawl layter guys"

After calling in at the Peukkhardah Curry House for a take-home. Barry parked his van outside his house and jumped down. It happened again, he felt his head spin, and soon he was sitting on his arse in the street. He struggled to his feet, shaking his head. 

"That was wierd" He thought to himself... 


(( for Sharky and Veronica. inspired by one of our favourite party songs ))


Joe Spivey's picture

((Oh goodie. Hyle is writing again. Sits back, gets up, makes popcorn sits down again. "Okay... carry on."

Stick with me kid and you'll be farting through silk.

Veronica Volt's picture

((Very Nice! A hole lot of trouble to come.

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